It’s been a little over a year since I called for the complete destruction of North Korea, and I now recognize that take may have been a little too hot.
In April 2018, I wrote the Pulitzer-worthy piece, “Hookstead’s Hot Take: I’m Annoyed With North Korea – It’s Time To Obliterate Them,” which called for the complete destruction of the North Korean government and military.
Now, admittedly I am not a military expert. I never served in the military.
But I am an expert in patriotism. For dealing with this situation we might as well assume my patriotism makes me an expert on how to defeat North Korea. Our Air Force could obliterate his Soviet-era planes before any of them got off the ground, hit his artillery sites with stealth bombers, take out the missile sites we know off and deploy special forces to sweep up anything we need on the ground.
Something tells me fat boy Kim Jong Un isn’t going to notice an insertion of special operators while his entire military is getting bombed back to the stone age.
North Korea was entertaining for a little bit, but like all things it’s run it’s course. Now we end the story with some good, old American firepower. Besides, throwing some shitty country into a locker in the name of freedom is a great way to remind the world that America is still king.
Load the guns, fire up the jets and deploy the navy ships. Let’s get the fireworks show over by dinner time. After all, we all have busy lives.
Now, I’m sure many of you are asking me why I’ve changed or you want to point fingers as you tell me I’m wrong. First off, it’s important to remember that sometimes, things in life change.
Yes, in April of 2017, I thought we’d reached a boiling point. As a simple Midwestern kid, I know that when the wolf growls, you shoot it in the face. You don’t wait for it to start chewing your face off. (SLIDESHOW: THESE STUNNING WOMEN IN CAMO AREN’T LEAVING MUCH TO THE IMAGINATION)
I’m also man enough to admit when I’m wrong, although I’m not sure I was entirely wrong. It looks like Trump might actually make peace a done deal. That makes me happy. I don’t want to war, but if Kim Jong Un wants to find out how bunker busters work, then so be it.
Many people have floated the idea that my tough-talking column might have been one of the major factors that pushed Kim Jong Un to the table.* I understand their speculation. Hell, if I Kim Jong Un and read my column, I’d rush to the negotiating table. The timeline of relations being thawed does match up with the timeline.
Again, I’m not making the claim I saved the day. I’m simply pointing out the fact the timelines match up and people have floated the idea.
Look, I’ve always got America’s back. I grew up as a working class blue-collar man, and my people always will defend this country. And don’t think for a second that I won’t reverse course and say we should bomb them again if our favorite fat little dictator decides to start popping off again.
Props to me for admitting that I might have been a bit to quick to call for the destruction of North Korea. Most men would never have the courage for a little self-reflection on the issue.
*Two people told me that, and I couldn’t tell if they were joking or not.
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